WILD WAGON WIELDS WEEKLY WRUIN: The Family Gobson is at it Again

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By Corjack Derpwurst. Last night, hundreds of Goblins were roused angrily to the streets as Katrelba Gobson drove her Wagon of Irritation through the Square yet again. According to eyewitnesses, Katrelba has remodeled the infamous wagon, adding several new degrees of irritation. A brass chimney atop the wagon now issues the distinctive smell of rotten snake eggs to the open windows above. The crude firebangs of the wagon carelessly set one apartment building ablaze, while speakers played the amplified fart noises coming from Miss Gobson’s mouth. All Goblins were able to escape the burning building by following the evacuation procedures recently enacted by City Planner Blarence Gobson, but the building was lost.

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King Plorkus appeared in his pajamas, attempting to decree the Wagon of Irritation unlawful, but our sources say Ketrelba Gobson was drunk on fancy Lyverian wine. She quickly had her people organize an overthrow and exile of the King, then installed a new King on the spot from her ranks. King Plorkus will be missed; he accomplished much during his three-month reign. The Probe has not yet learned the name of the new King.

Prinkle Gumpf, one of the displaced Goblins from the night’s happenings, had this to say: “My family’s happy that the Blarence Evac Protocol got us out in time, but shouldn't we do something about this crazy Gobson chick? A few years ago she was just a kid, terrorizing the Power Factories unsupervised, but once her trust fund matured… Lookout, Gobson!”

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Once Miss Gobson had left the exploding wagon in the street and retired to her quarters, The Probe spoke to several Goblins about the events. Many were so angry that all they could do was rhyme: “The Gobson pseudo-Queen is callous, crude and mean! And never have we seen a lady so obscene!”

“I just don’t understand how she continues to get funding for that Wagon of Irritation,” one Goblin mother told this reporter. In fact, Shamroy Gobson, one of the older Gobsons of the latest generation, holds great sway in the Weighs and Beans department. Since Weighs and Beans makes all final decisions about government funding and allocation, the connection should be clear.

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In other Gobson Family news, Gurklies Gobson, the scientist of the family, has developed a new form of POWder. Not only does it explode when agitated with unpredictable ferocity, but it also melts things when mixed with water. Currently, Gurklies is cloistered in his rooftop laboratory, melting things.

The Probe would like to remind our readers to cut the Gobson family some slack. Sharing the name of this great city has brought celebrity and madness into their lives. Without all the attention, the Gobsons might have been normal Goblins. Always check The Probe for the latest Gobson family news!

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Written by Chris Roberts, Lore Master
Original STEEM post

 
Carrie AllenComment